Since this movie makes the others look 'good', I've never really attempted to discuss it seriously. And, having seen the Nostalgia Critic's review, I feel I don't need to because he did it so very well, on a level I could never even attempt.
So, here's the conclusion to my ranting about these films (until I force myself to watch Grinch 2019).
I figured, “What could it hurt? I've never seen it”,
Watched The Cat in the Hat, that movie sucks penis.
As I sat there in horror thinking it may improve,
It got worse and worse, but I couldn't move,
Out of my seat to turn off the TV,
I was petrified by the drek I did see.
How could they do this to our friend the Cat?!
He looks like a nightmare, his jokes are pure crap!
When he winked at the camera and plugged Universal,
My current state-of-mind bordered on homicidal.
That center-fold joke where his cat hat extended?
Yeah, a Seuss movie has dick jokes. Bring the kids! Maybe Grandad!
At least there'll be rhyming about this and about that,
...what? Little-to-no rhymes? BUT THIS IS THE CAT IN THE HAT!!
If I was Seuss when this movie was made,
I would have sat up, climbed out of my grave.
Then kill the director, who must be to blame,
For making this movie so very lame.
Or, perhaps Mike Myers, I just want their blood,
For disgracing a book that I still really love.
Maybe, at least, the lesson will hold true,
Can't quite remember it? Don't worry, I do.
The lesson is simple; STOP THIS SEUSS-SHITTING!
THIS MAN WAS A GENIUS!! THE POINT YOU KEEP MISSING!!!
Seuss isn't about in-jokes and pop culture references,
This movie is so contrived, it’s damn-shit-fuck offensive!!
His work continues to inspire, no signs this will cease.
This movie won't last a decade, I'll bet five bucks and a Sneetch.
His books had lessons and wit. His art-style unique.
Without the name 'Dr. Seuss', this movie is still pretty weak.
So, if You like this movie, or thought it was 'OK',
Then, I truly hope you die, in some horrible way.
Because, clearly you have no clue as to what makes Seuss Seuss,
Let alone movies good, how can you be such a douche?!
Due to people like you, those with no clue,
These movies do well, though they're just piles of poo.
Therefore, of course, they'll keep making more.
Keeping the name "Dr. Seuss" a money-grubbing whore,
(as clearly, THAT'S what he's meant for).
So, what have we learned from all of this?
When handling Seuss, don't take a piss?
As odd as it may be, framing it in such a way,
It almost seems, collectively, that these films have something to say.
....Nope! They're just a pile of fucking Shit!
That's all folks.